Many,
if not most, men give love -- or at least something resembling
love -- to get sex, and many, if not most, women give sex
to get love -- or at least something resembling love. But
in either case, sex is just doing time, having been sentenced
to slave labor in the sweatshops of our neuroses.
When sex is used as a means of distracting us from our
suffering -- and not just now and then, but chronically
-- it only reinforces our psychospiritual slumber, both
sedating us and giving us a briefly convincing illusion
of being connected or something of similar import (like
being potent, desirable, or capable of intimacy).
Yet we need to feel, and openly feel, the connection between
the bedroom and the rest of our life, beginning with recognizing
that sex can be used to illuminate the roots and inner workings
of our distress, but only if it is engaged in consciously.
But who really wants to do that? Why should we threaten
what seems to be such a dependable outlet, such a quick
and easy pleasure-source? We may not want to risk interrupting
our sexual exercise. We may not want to see our sexual behavior
stripped down to its less appealing aspects -- its mechanicalness,
its lies, its tunnel vision, its desperation, its manipulativeness,
its unsavory connections. We may not want to see what we
are really up to during sex, aside from pleasurably stimulating
ourselves. We may not want to see the context within which
we are operating before, during, and after sex. And we may
not want to see that we don’t want to seriously consider
any of the above.
However, if we pay conscious attention to ourselves and
our partner in the midst of sexual engagement (beginning
with the first signs of erotic interest and foreplay) --
which does not mean dissociating from our partner or from
our own experience -- we have a chance, at least some of
the time, to view the underpinnings of our suffering with
remarkable clarity, as well as our craving to escape from
that suffering. We will then literally catch ourselves in
the act, realizing that what we tend to do sexually is often
but an exaggeration of what we tend to do when we aren’t
being sexual.
However reluctantly, we will see through our craving for
orgasm, realizing that when we make orgasm the goal we only
screw ourselves. We will then no longer so easily exploit
the heat of sex’s fire, but will, to a significant
degree, make good use of its luminosity, understanding with
our entire being that sexual sanity and joy is impossible
without a corresponding sanity and joy in the rest of our
life.
When we stop depending on sex -- or anything else -- to
do it for us, we stop making a problem out of dependency
itself, finding in ourselves a strength that is unthreatened
by dependency, a strength that serves the ripening of both
our individuality and our relationship with the Sacred.
We abuse our sexuality in many ways, not the least of which
occurs when we attempt to spiritualize it, burdening it
with metaphysical or “tantric” expectations,
trying to manipulate it into something “higher”
or holier. But sex does not need to be the “gate”
to bliss or superconsciousness. Rather, it needs to be liberated
from such “high” expectations (and their underlying
spiritual ambition), so that it can naturally and spontaneously
be expressed, untainted by notions of “higher”
or “lower.”
Sex can be profoundly spiritual when we stop trying to
engineer it into transpersonal domains -- all that is needed
is open-eyed surrender and love. The Wonder and Beauty that
we may then find ourselves immersed in is not a familiar
something, but an always-fresh arising that cannot help
but evoke in us a deep gratitude. We are then not knowers
of Spirit, but lovers of It, pulsing together at the edge
beyond which there is only God. This asks for lovers of
awakened innocence, lovers for whom sex is devotional lust,
sacred bodyplay.
Sex is neither salvation nor consolation.
Do not encumber it with hope. Do not become insensitive
to its seasons, its tides, its silences, its molten Mystery
and edgeless Invitation.
And do not cheapen it with unnecessary stimulation-strategies
-- if we need to fantasize (or immerse our attention in
titillating inner theater) in order to have “good”
sex, then we are not displaying interest in sexual intimacy
and depth, but rather only in mind-games whose primary purpose
is to maximize both pleasurable sensation and distraction
from the more unpleasant aspects of what we are feeling
with our sexual partner.
If sexual passion does not simply arise out of mutual love,
then why force it, why induce it, why fantasize or rub ourselves
into it, why put our sexuality in a pelvic -- or Tantric
-- headlock?
“Making love” is often not much more than a
matter of making ends meet. The point is not to “make”
love, but to make room for love, which in part means nakedly
yet discriminatingly entering into Being, into the inconceivable,
horizonless Heartland of who and what we fundamentally are,
letting that positionless yet paradoxically individuated
condition be the ground, the anchor, the unfabricated basis,
the animating “center” of whatever we do.
Here, where familiarity loses its solidity to the point
of vanishing, sex is already itself, already spontaneously
outdancing its surrogates, already out of the grip of its
every description and egoic squeezeplay.
Here, sex does not promise Joy, but instead begins with
Joy, with love, with uncensored intimacy, with deep trust
and faith in the unfathomable Reality of God. Here, sex
is love, transparent to Being and yet simultaneously rooted
in uncaged passion and caring, shining through both the
personal and the transpersonal, no longer burdened by the
obligation to make us feel better or more whole.