Guilt is not so much a feeling as it is a suppression of
feeling. Guilt is but shame paralytically infused with fear-driven
and fear-making thought, manifesting as the self-punishing
“sensation” of having violated some sort of
contract or moral agreement.
Where shame painfully exposes the conventional self, guilt
painfully splits the same self, compensating itself for
such pain by continuing to engage in the “bad”
or “immoral” act that supposedly is its “can’t-help-myself”
raison d’être.
As such, guilt means we get to stay stuck. And small.
Guilt is inherently self-divisive: One aspect of us, fixatedly
childish, does whatever it is that apparently triggers --
or justifies -- our guilt, in conjunction with another aspect
of us, rigidly authoritarian, which righteously punishes
the doer of the supposed crime or misdemeanor. The relationship
between these two -- basically a nastily stalemated parent/child
conflict -- is the essence of guilt.
At the same time, however, guilt is simply something that
we are doing to ourselves, something we are superimposing
on ourselves, something that can be counted on to keep us
divided, disempowered, stuck, and predictably exploitable.
Put another way, guilt means that we get to again do whatever
it is that seemingly generates our guilt -- we permit ourselves
to do it over and over again, even as “we” simultaneously
punish ourselves for such transgression. We may decry (and
even publicize) the abuse we are suffering from our own
hand and self-incrimination, but that very punishment, if
it is sufficiently severe and well-broadcast, significantly
lessens the probability of “outside” punishment,
while ensuring -- and perhaps even, at least to some degree,
legitimizing -- our continued participation (as “victims,”
of course!) in what we “shouldn’t” be
doing.
Guilt thus allows us to remain selfish. And irresponsible.
Guilt’s prevailing reality is that of toxically simplistic
right and wrong. Its moral stance is stubbornly prerational,
dutifully skewered by the ossified finger of blame. Guilt
is irresponsibility taking impotent or make-believe stabs
at responsibility, which it consistently confuses with blame.
Guilt means we get to stay small, “safely” tucked
away from truly taking charge of our lives.
The self-accusations of guilt are in the “spirit”
of the other-accusations of resentment. To the extent that
guilt is an amalgam of shame and anxiety, resentment is
an amalgam of shame and aggression. In fact, one could describe
resentment -- especially in its globally hypercritical stance
and underbelly of toxic impotence -- as everted guilt. Resentment
is all about dragging others down. In guilt, we drag ourselves
down, giving ourselves such a large dose of condemnation
that we all but guarantee our domicile in guilt, thereby
bypassing any significant intimacy with responsibility and
love.
Healthy shame does not take long to flush the entire system.
Instead of continuing to contract one’s organic impulses,
it unknots and expands them -- one blushes, one’s
blood flows more freely, one’s body warms up, enriched
with an admittedly uncomfortable yet nevertheless enlivening
passion. As such, the whole body is then simply just a confession
of felt responsibility for what has happened. There is a
powerful, deep-rooted impetus to coming clean, letting go,
and healing, a painful yet heartfelt resolution to grow.
But guilt, on the other hand, is not really interested in
healing. The guilt-ridden and guilt-spurred do not have
much energy for genuine growth -- they are driven to “do
it” again and again, and in order to justify “doing
it” again and again, they need to keep the threat
of parental punishment hanging over them.
When we are stuck in guilt, we are, so to speak, repeat
offenders keeping ourselves behind bars, playing both prosecutor
and accused, but without any real resolution, chronically
resurrecting our courtroom drama and suffering the pains
of once again fitting ourselves to its loveless script,
while finding a “needed” (and perhaps even pleasurable)
release through once again “doing it.” Herein,
not far below the surface, there is enormous grief, such
a lack of self-compassion, such an agony of desperation
and addiction.
Guilt is a refusal to love, and it is also a refusal to
sanely parent oneself. In our guilt, we childishly cling
to -- and react to -- outside parental forces that we have
deeply internalized. By contrast, healthy shame provides
fertile conditions for reconnecting with the parental authority
that’s native to us.
Shame can catalyze an environment in which real forgiveness
can bloom -- it is an opportunity to come clean and enter
a truer scene. Guilt, however, works against the possibility
of such forgiveness. Guilt fills churches and empties hearts.
It is a psychological parasite, a destroyer of love, claiming
temporary insanity.
Nevertheless, guilt is not some kind of entity at which
we can or should throw darts, or which we can exterminate.
It is something we are doing, something that we often don’t
particularly want to see that we are doing.
Guilt is a suppression of Being, a withdrawal from real
feeling, a flight from integrity, the very epitome of “divided
we fall.” The guilt-ridden are easy to control and
exploit, for their power is consumed by their internal warfare.
(Ironically, as we have seen, the very disempowerment generated
by guilt empowers us to persist in it.)
Guilt reduces God to the ultimate parent or punishment-wielding
overseer, a fact exploited by more than a few religions
(as exemplified by the inculcation of the doctrine of Original
Sin).
Guilt is false conscience.
So how to work with guilt? First of all, don’t approach
it with a closed heart or with moral righteousness -- feeling
guilty about having guilt won’t help. Get in touch
with the shame, fear, anger, and hurt that underlie guilt.
Identify them, get detailed in your attentive survey and
investigation of them, and do so as compassionately as you
can.
At the same time, do what you can to expand your energy,
and do it mindfully. Do not let yourself automatically bounce
between the childish and parental sides of guilt -- recognize
that neither one is you. They are just polarized personifications
of guilt’s script. Instead of identifying with either
one, sit where you can naturally and compassionately hold
both and know, right to your marrow, that you are neither.
See and feel them as clouds, and be their sky. Literally.
Introduce them. Unmask them, bridge them, bring them together
without taking either side, letting their mutual rainburst
be your cry.
Thus do we let go of the whip, and also of the morality
of blame. Thus do we shift from guilt to shame to freedom.