Though
pain and suffering are often thought of as being much the
same, they differ greatly from each other.
Pain is fundamentally just unpleasant sensation. Suffering,
on the other hand, is something we are doing with our pain.
Pain comes, often inescapably so, with life. It often also
is, especially in its awakening or alerting capacity, necessary.
Suffering, however, is far less necessary than we might
think.
When we cannot sufficiently distract or distance ourselves
from our pain, we generally turn it into suffering. How?
By overdramatizing our pain. We make an unpleasantly gripping
story out of it, a tale in which our hurt “I”
all but automatically assumes the throne of self. I hurt,
therefore I am -- this is suffering’s core credo.
In so doing, we are simply identifying with our pain, overpersonalizing
it.
Where pain is consciously felt hurt, suffering is the manipulation
of that hurt into drama, wherein we’re likely so busy
acting out -- and being literally occupied by -- our hurt
role that we’ve little or no motivation to stand apart
from it.
In the myopic theatrics of suffering, pain itself mostly
just stagnates, like an unwanted exhibit in an art gallery.
It is not really touched. As the centerpiece and supposed
raison d’être of suffering, pain is kept from
any genuine healing. We may feel close to our pain when
we are busy suffering, but it is not the kind of closeness
that heals. It is, in fact, an unwelcome proximity, through
which we generally just reinforce our suffering, if only
because of our sheer desperation to be elsewhere (like in
some kind of fantasized immunity from pain, or similar dreamland
of our suffering-centered “I”).
The degree to which we turn our pain into suffering is
the degree to which we obstruct our own healing.
When we’re busy suffering, we are all but bereft
of healthy detachment. We’re then removed from the
naked reality of our pain -- for our attention is generally
more on our storyline than on the raw, nonconceptual sense
of our pain -- but not removed in a way that permits us
to focus more clearly on what is actually going on.
As such, suffering is unhealthy separation from our pain.
Suffering is pain that’s gone to mind, pain that’s
doing time in mental cells, mental hells.
The more intimate we are with our pain, the less we suffer.
To work effectively with our suffering, we need both to
stand apart from its script and to cease distancing ourselves
from our pain. Suffering may seem to keep us near to our
pain, but it actually keeps us from getting as close to
our pain as we need to, if we are live a more liberated
life.
Suffering houses pain, but keeps it in the dark. When we
turn on the lights, the dramatics of suffering become significantly
transparent. Then the uncensored facticity of our pain gets
our full attention, particularly at the level where it is
but unpleasant sensation. Then we can enter our pain with
care, clarity, and suitable precision, getting to know it
from the inside -- its fluxing weave and interplay of shape,
color, temperature, texture, directionality, intensity,
pressure, location, layering, and so on.
Often when we say we’re in pain, we’re not
really in our pain, but rather are only closer to it than
we’d like. In fact, we’re outside it.
It is in the conscious and caring entry into our pain that
we begin to find some real freedom from our pain. The hurt
may remain, but our relationship to that hurt will have
changed to the point where it’s no longer such a problem
to us, and in fact may even become a doorway into What Really
Matters.
The healing of pain is found in pain itself.
As we become more intimate with our pain, we find that
we are less troubled by it. Suffering is, among other things,
a refusal to develop any intimacy with our pain. In fact,
suffering only jails our pain.
But the cage door is open, already open, if we just turn
around, away from the screens upon which our suffering projects
its stories. Then we begin to awaken, to shed more and more
of the entrapping dreams we habitually animate. Awareness
upstages suffering, dissolving its grip on us, taking us
to the heart, the core, the epicenter, of our pain.
And there, in that place of hurt, we meet not more hurt,
but more us. More healing, more peace, more sacred welcome.