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December 1, 2007
If we’re thinking paranoid thoughts, and are aware not only of the fact that we are thinking such thoughts but also of the fact that they are but thoughts, however infused with unpleasant feeling, we are still sane. Disturbed maybe, fearful almost for sure, but not insane.
But if we’re thinking paranoid thoughts and cannot step back from them enough to know that we in fact are thinking such thoughts (our capacity for self-reflection here being absent or severely crippled), then we’re likely more than knee-deep in insanity, regardless of our times of sanity. Insanity does not necessarily mean the absence of sanity, but rather too little anchoring time spent in sanity.
If you’re being paranoid and know that you’re being paranoid, you very likely can be worked with in therapeutic/spiritual contexts, usually quite effectively; but if you’re being paranoid and don’t know that you’re being paranoid (or refuse to admit it), then the odds are that you can’t be worked with very successfully, anymore than a religious fundamentalist can be persuaded that his or her certainties may not be so certain.
The ability to hold two or more perspectives in mind while remaining relatively intimate with each of them is a hallmark of sanity. After all, each of us is making an appearance not so much as a singularity as a kind of community, a collective of habits, every one of which, when given center stage, tends to refer to itself as “I” — and each of these personified habits, these crystallized complexes, these pretenders to the throne of self, possesses (and is possessed by) its own unique perspective, which needs to be recognized and known well, but not allowed to assume the role of overseer or master.
Our task is to become so intimate with each of these apparent selves that constitute us that we become incapable of identifying with any one of them to the degree that we lose sight of who and what we really are.
Real sanity is about recognizing and taking good care of all that we are, without letting any one aspect of us take over the others; this does not mean chaos or politically correct egalitarianism, but rather a functionally fitting positioning of each aspect, in the spirit of a parent who dearly loves his or her child, but does not let that child drive the car. Keeping our habits where we can keep a clear eye on them is an essential practice in our maturation.
To journey into our paranoid thoughts and feelings without getting significantly paranoid is basic sanity in the courageous crunch. To go into our madness without becoming unhinged is a sign of relatively advanced development. To enter our pain without turning it into suffering is a gift to all beings. To pass into our lovelessness without losing heart is a great art, out of which healing cannot help but arise. To move into the Unknown without having to know what’s going to happen once we’re “there” is real freedom in the making. The way toward basic sanity is not that of rising above, trying to transcend, marginalizing, or otherwise avoiding our insanity, but rather that of going into and through our insanity, letting all that arises, however hellish or scary, awaken us to who and what we really are.
The late R.D. Laing somewhere once said that when he looked through the DSM-III (psychiatry’s bible of diagnostic criteria for mental disorders, the latest incarnation of which is the DSM-IV), he recognized himself strewn all over its pages, “shredded to criteria.” And if we look deeply enough in the same manual, we’ll also see ourselves thus shredded to criteria there, the shakier dimensions of our selfhood pathologized on page after page in the deadening language of disembodied rationality.
However, recognizing the truth of “That too am I” doesn’t have to be an occasion for identifying with a particular condition or self-state, but can instead be an opportunity to further fill out the circle of our being, embodying a radical inclusiveness that requires no abandonment of our capacity for discernment. Through this, we can touch our own paranoia (and related dysfunctional states) with tenderness, taking an awakened attentiveness into it until it is but the contracted electricity of bare fear, and then not even that, but only undressed aliveness, now energetically available for something other than the hallucinogenic presentations of our paranoia.
When we thus relate to our paranoia — rather than from it — we feel our way past its endarkened edginess into its core of heightened sensitivity until it is nothing more than exquisitely responsive attunement to whatever is arising. In this, paranoia, or any other undesirable state, becomes but an entry point into what lies prior to and beyond all fear. All we have to do is move toward it when it arises, however counterintuitive that might seem at the time,while opening ourselves to whatever assistance we might need in order to do so. Each step thus taken, however small or halting, reinforces and deepens our basic sanity, giving us the ground we need for living a deeper life.

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December 3 , 2007
INSIDE THE DSM-IV: DIAGNOSIS WITHOUT GNOSIS
Psychiatry’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (fourth and most recent edition) —- commonly known as DSM-IV — is of central importance to the vast majority of psychiatrists (and, to a lesser extent, other health professionals as well) in assessing their patients. Bear with me, and you’ll see that it’s also of central importance that we all have some familiarity with what DSM-IV is and represents. In their Synopsis of Psychiatry, professors of psychiatry Kaplan, Sadock, and Grebb state that “DSM-IV is now the law of the land.” If it is indeed the law, then exactly what is it outlawing? Does the widespread — and generally unquestioning — use of DSM-IV necessarily validate it? What are its dangers? Does it have a right use?
Let’s start digging into these questions by looking — verbatim — at some of the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia:
A. Characteristic symptoms: Two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated):
(1) delusions
(2) hallucinations
(3) disorganized speech (e.g., frequent derailment or incoherence)
(4) grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
(5) negative symptoms, i.e., affective flattening, alogia, or avolition
Note: Only one criterion A symptom is required if delusions are bizarre or hallucinations consist of a voice keeping up a running commentary on the person’s behavior or thoughts, or two or more voices conversing with each other.
The above may seem straightforward, but poking through its apparent orderliness is a chaos of interpretive possibilities. Who doesn't have delusions? And what about the delusions we may have about others' delusions? Let us not forget that ego — the act of identifying with our personality — is essentially delusional, constituting a case of mistaken identity.
And hallucinations? A convincing argument can be made for status-quo reality being little more than a collective hallucination. Dreams are private hallucinations. Object-permanence is a hallucination. In fact, to view anything as being an object, a solid or autonomously existing something, is but a hallucination, as quantum mechanics (in close conjunction with the wisdom-teachings of mature spirituality) clearly demonstrate.
And, as for an inner voice keeping up a running commentary on our behavior or thoughts, who among us doesn't have something closely akin to this occurring more often than not? How often are we not busy talking to ourselves about ourselves? And how often are we even aware that this is happening? Furthermore, if our delusions are indeed “bizarre” — meaning apparently having no basis in reality — who can say for sure that they don't make sense in a different, yet arguably still relevant context?
And “affective flattening”? Sounds a lot like the emotional state that is valued — or even given top billing — in the sterilized “objectivity” still frequently made a virtue of in scientific enterprises. And so on. What's missing in DSM-IV -centered diagnostic practice is not only etiology (“etiology” being that branch of knowledge which deals with the causes and origins of particular phenomena), but also any emphasis on cultivating a perspective that can view symptoms without concretizing or pathologizing them. If we will not allow ourselves to enter into any significant dialogue with another's “delusions”— both specifically and contextually — how can we come to understand that other and the possible sense that his or her “delusions” may be making?
To its credit, DSM-IV does provide an exhaustive nuts-and-bolts lingua franca for mental health clinicians. This is an advantage insofar as it gives a consensual base or common ground, however insubstantial, from which a deeper, more humane language and understanding can emerge. However, the nosology (“nosology” means the listing or classification of diseases) of DSM-IV , with its reliance on descriptive rather than causal criteria, makes it too easy to look no further than the symptoms of the patient. Clinicians whose common habit it is to see many — or too many — patients in as short a time as possible are likely going to be very tempted by the “efficiency” of DSM-IV , with its neatly compartmentalized — that is, put into parts which are then mentalized — (and therefore insurance-friendly) descriptive criteria.
DSM-IV 's supposedly atheoretical approach — designed to show no favoritism to any particular diagnostic school — not only camouflages its theoretical allegiance to logical empiricism and literalism, but also leaves the clinician out of the picture, much like the hypothetically objective — and therefore fictional — observer conducting a scientific experiment. When clinicians just observe the “data”(patients' symptoms) and then classify it without any significant concern for what underlies it, they are, through such non-intimacy with their patients (and therefore also with the psychodynamics of their patients), actually in the way of the very healing — not a fashionable concept for DSM-IV — that needs to happen.
The advantage of DSM-IV 's purely descriptive approach, namely that of situational reliability — that is, high consistency in diagnostic labeling — is outweighed not only by its insensitivity to both patient and clinician, but also by its potential inaccuracy (brought about largely via omission and superficiality) with regard to the patient's actual situation.
In making reliability more relevant than validity, DSM-IV strands itself in the shallows of diagnosis (unless, of course, it's used in wise conjunction with other, more caring and integrated modes of attuning to what patients need). If diagnostic “efficiency”(read: speed ) — lining up under the time pressures of managed care — is given too much focus (as by assembly-line psychiatry with its drug-dispensing automaticities and excesses), then there is not enough time to explore roots and psychodynamics, not enough time to really hear the patient's story, to permit intuition to take its rightful course.
It's easier to medicate than to liberate. Taking insufficient time with a patient actually wastes time, leaving far too little room for those qualities — like compassion — that are supportive of the healing of that patient. Sometimes medication is called for, but it nevertheless tends to be overrelied on, since it is a lot quicker to give, say, Paxil or Ritalin than to actively work with what underlies the symptoms that signal the “need” for Paxil or Ritalin.
Like most other oversized centralizing systems — exemplified by the multinational corporations currently colonizing the world — DSM-IV is ecologically illiterate. It not only does not significantly address the familial or social context of patients' syndromes, but also does not take into account, in considering the factors affecting patients, the cultural/political madness that continues to devastate — and continues to rationalize the devastation of — the biosphere.
In fact, DSM-IV , whatever its virtues, is part of that madness. Suppressing patients' symptoms may offer temporary relief, but does not ultimately work; whatever it is that animates symptoms simply finds other outlets, other somatic and mental locales, through which to express itself. We can only bury so much garbage before it spills out, often far beyond its originating source. It is becoming more and more difficult to separate our individual troubles from our collective troubles, but DSM-IV , being bereft of ecopsychological and transrational awareness, tacitly supports the separation — and resulting alienation — of self from community (human and otherwise), thereby reinforcing the self-centeredness that largely fuels our runaway consumerism.
DSM-IV classification schemata squat in a moral vacuum, a sealed-in cultism governed by minds committed to the operational preferences of a disembodied, sterile rationality. Its language has no depth, no body, no color. This has its technical advantages — much like instructions found in a vehicle manual — but also is dangerous, in that it situates both patient and clinician in a flattened, dry, emotionally eviscerated, and exaggeratedly abstract terrain. Deadened language (which is also the predominant language of professional psychology) tends to deaden its users.
The language of DSM-IV , like that of most academically-corraled writing, has forgotten to breathe. If it did, it might start to notice that it displays many of the very symptoms that it associates with mental disorders: flattened affect, fragmentation of self, depersonalization, obsessive-compulsive behavior. One could even say that DSM-IV is intoxicated with its neatly partitioned sobriety, using its “scientific” tone and syntax to lend weight to its authority. Its supposed flexibility, its apparent openness to change ( DSM-II to DSM-III to DSM-IV ), superficially mask its actual rigidity and obsessive-compulsive labeling — it is no more flexible than is Exxon environmentalist or Marlboro concerned with smokers' health.
Nevertheless, in spite of its spiritless language and approach, DSM-IV does have the advantage of helping a clinician quickly get to what is needed in certain acute cases, when medication is clearly necessary. Unfortunately, though, if help stops here, healing will likely be obstructed. Though medication may provide a much needed leveling or braking for a while, it is meant, in most cases, to only serve as scaffolding for the next step, whatever that might be.
To the point: Health professionals who unquestioningly or too closely follow DSM-IV are in danger of placing too much emphasis on symptoms. They are likely to confuse the seeming disappearance (or suppression) of symptoms with actual cure (and, to thicken the plot, “cure” as a goal may at times be simply a denial of the need to more deeply enter one's woundedness). When a patient is reduced to being little more than a carrier of symptoms, overreliance on psychiatric drugs is not far behind. After all, in the short run — which has been until recently the only race in contemporary Western culture, a resources-exhausting sprint for maximum profit — isn't it much more cost-effective to classify and medicate depression than to actually explore it?
Let's get down into depression a bit: Depression, except in its debilitating or suicidal extremes, is not so much a feeling as a suppression of feeling, consuming an enormous amount of life-energy in its pressing-down or sinking of feeling. It could be said to be the weighted-down sensation of nearly-successful repression, minus any significantly satisfying compensatory lift. It is a pain that walls away a deeper or more primal pain. As the drugged yet wretchedly insomniac gatekeeper of incarcerated trauma — both on personal and collective scales — depression asks not for further drugging (except under extreme conditions), but for a compassionately integral exploration. And depression is spreading like a plague: Its incidence has reportedly increased tenfold since the late 1940s. Before then there was no threat of nuclear war, no obvious ecological crisis; in the face of such overwhelming concerns, the intensity of which has accelerated in the last few decades, depression or “psychic numbing” is quite understandable.
However, in numbing and turning away from our own pain, we're also turning away from our collective pain, too dulled, overloaded, or uncaring to take necessary action, our mantra being something like, “I can't be bothered.” (No wonder so many teens say “Whatever” when pain gets too close for comfort.) Unfortunately, DSM-IV only reinforces such numbing, both by ignoring (or only very superficially considering) its originating contexts, and by all too readily drugging it — numbing the numbness . As helpful and necessary as antidepressants are in some cases, their prolonged use may only postpone our entry into the very depths that could, if skillfully worked with, fuel our shift to a more Life-giving course.
The holism suggested by DSM-IV 's format (which pays lip service to psychosocial and environmental problems) cannot hide its fragmented, reductionist nature — its labels and exclusion/inclusion criteria for so-called disorders do not include the person being diagnosed, nor do they necessarily accurately describe that person's condition. By paying so much attention to surface phenomena and their categorization, and so little attention to actual human development and psychodynamics — let alone the spiritual dimensions of patients — DSM-IV simply perpetuates its psycho-ecological blindness. In its obsessively standardized approach to diversity and anomaly, DSM-IV displays a monocultural bias, in which the unusual easily becomes an endangered species.
Perhaps the key missing ingredient — other than depth — in DSM-IV is narrative. The neatly partitioned categories packing the pages of DSM-IV may appear to be simply guideposts for mental health professionals, but they carry far too much authority (being, after all, psychiatry's “law of the land”) to be given the benefit of the same logic as the National Rifle Association employs regarding gun possession — namely that guns aren't the problem, people are (thereby conveniently bypassing the actual relationship between people and guns, not to mention the ways in which the actual presence of a gun can affect or modify human behavior).
Yes, in the right hands DSM-IV can be a useful tool, but it is more than a tool, carrying in its very structuring and languaging a powerful operational bias that is going to be very appealing to clinicians who have put themselves in a position to be overly committed to cookie-cutter diagnosis.
So should we get rid of DSM-IV ? Not necessarily, but neither should we keep it as it is. First of all, it needs to be reworked so that it does not pathologize unusual behavior, and secondly, it needs to be given a less central consideration in diagnosis. That is, as much as it can be a factor in arriving at a diagnosis, it needs to be kept in much the same position as would one's left-brain thoughts in attempting to get to the heart of the matter in a personally crucial situation. This is not to suggest a right-brain bias in diagnosis, but rather a practice wherein left and right hemispheric input, rational and intuitive modes, scientific and poetic stances, are synergistically combined.
Then the “gnosis” — knowledge-transcending knowingness or wisdom — can be put back in “diagnosis.”

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DECEMBER 6, 2007
THE ANATOMY OF CHOICE
Choice is not necessarily what it appears to be. When we're “making a choice” we tend to think that we really are doing so, ignoring the fact that it may be our conditioning that is making the choice, rather than us. (And which “us” is not a personified product of conditioning, a self-conscious emanation mechanically springing forth from innumerable causal factors?)
As it is usually conceptualized, choice presumes a self that is capable of making choices, but that very self — especially in its apparent occupancy of us — can itself be viewed as a choice, or at least as an option . (Giving it notice — as we one day must — does not require that we abandon it, but rather that we not let it govern us.)
The trouble is, if that particular self — or, more precisely, that particular selfing (for it's more verb than noun) — which seemingly is making the choices is itself not a conscious choice of ours, can we then really say that we are indeed making choices? (Unavoidably intertwined with this question is a more fundamental one: What am I?)
We may think that we're making choices, but in actuality “our” choices/preferences, with few exceptions, are making us, literally making us up .
We begin choiceless — at birth — and end choiceless, when we’ve irreversibly and fully awakened to our true nature.
The sage's choices (and doings) are not really choices (or doings), but rather natural givens, consciously automatic, self-less responses to input, devoid of any conventional sense of “doership.” Intrinsic or primordial awareness — which the sage does not have, but in the most radical sense embodies and is — is itself choiceless. In the presence of such awareness, necessity generates choice — but it is only choice from an egoically-rooted perspective. The sage may appear to have options, but does not. And therein lies the sage's freedom.
A choice-free, uncluttered consciousness is probably the ideal setting for the recognition and genesis of beneficial choices. By contrast, a consciousness that is fastened to (hence, “ fasten -ation”) or entangled with various objects, like desired outcomes and various hopes, makes for choices — or, perhaps more accurately, reaction tendencies — corresponding to its favored fixations.
Freedom in its deepest sense is not about having choices, but rather about not needing to have choices. Nisargadatta nails it down beautifully: “Freedom to do what one likes is really bondage, while being free to do what one must, what is right, is real freedom.”
Relatively speaking, freedom may seem to be a matter of having or getting to have choices, but it is actually more about seeing through, disidentifying with, and not being bound to our preference-making mechanisms. Freedom not only does not resist necessity, but honors, embraces, and fittingly responds to it.
Psychospiritual maturity begins with finding freedom through limitation. For every increase in freedom, there must be a corresponding increase in the ability to sanely respond, to open ourselves to choices that are, in essence, “best moves,” arising not through the efforts of egoity, but rather through the natural responsiveness of embodied awareness.
Choices without a chooser.
This invites us not only to look more deeply, but also to look inside our looking.
We choose, and yet we don’t choose. This is paradoxical only to the mind that cannot see beyond its own rationality. What shows up as paradox to our mind appears as truth to our core of being. Freedom begins when paradox is no longer significantly paradoxical to us. Life makes sense when we stop trying to make it make sense.
Rarely do we permit ourselves to really see what (and it's much more a what than a who ) is actually animating our choices. If “choices without a chooser” is on the menu, we may pick something with a bit more dressing. To uncover the identity of the “chooser” is to confront that in us which would just as soon avoid doing so.
The preferences generated by our conditioning — commonly referred to as choices — largely determine the situations that we “choose.” Our conditioning tends to make the picks; if we identify with it, then we’ll think that we are making the picks.
That which determines our choices is itself largely determined by our response to it. If that response is unconscious or automatic, then we are, whatever our show of apparent freedom, doing no more than reinforcing mere mechanicalness, keeping ourselves on automatic pilot.
However — and this is a very big however — if our response to our conditioning is sufficiently conscious, then we'll have an opportunity to break through the “rules” of our in-house entrapment. We might even make the same choices as when we were on automatic pilot, but our relationship to those choices will be very different. Our behavior may remain much the same as before, but our relationship to it will no longer be the same. We then are, so to speak, in the trap, but not trapped.
Optimal decisions best arise in the presence of choiceless awareness, but is there not a choice involved in allowing or accessing or operating from (and as ) this awareness? Yes, but it is a choice without a chooser, a choice that itself is determined by our degree of readiness or ripeness. Openness awaiting openness.
The miracle is that we — in the midst of just about anything — have an inbuilt capacity to awaken to all this, to look through undreaming eyes at all of it, to see what is out of sight. Awakening thus is a reentry into what exists prior to — and simultaneously pervades — choice-making. Freedom here is the freedom of not needing to have a choice, of letting the most fitting move make itself obvious, of surrendering to necessity, of taking full responsibility for all the choices “made” by one. “Choices without a chooser” does not mean playing victim. Choices occur, and we stand behind them, not blaming fate or our parents, paying close attention to whatever impact such choices may have.
We begin choiceless, and end choiceless. In between, we tend to identify with an inner “chooser.” The deepest knowing does not choose, and yet out of it the optimal choices are made, choices that are not really choices in any conventional sense, but rather only the results of lucid obedience to the fundamental necessity of a particular situation.
Our choices may not be made by us, but without us they cannot be made.

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DECEMBER 11, 2007
COLLECTIVE OVERWHELM
Contemporary culture is deeply entrenched in chronic overwhelm, unattended overwhelm, overwhelm without any significant relief in sight, overwhelm that continues to pick up steam, overwhelm that is so hugely and deeply pervasive that its signature pressurizing and distress-making mostly only get token challenges.
Collective overwhelm has so become the norm that adaptation to it remains only superficially questioned in most places. The plague is here, insidiously ubiquitous and voraciously viral, occupying — colonizing — so many faces and places that it usually is only partially recognized for what it is. Collective overwhelm is more common than the common cold and more infectious than any previous plague.
We can define collective overwhelm as a pandemic depressive state which combines excessive stimulation (both positive and negative), unrelenting pressure, massive information overload, and neither enough time nor sufficient suitable means for proper digestion and integration. Such a state keeps us in energetic debt, borrowing from our reserve tanks until we're basically running on empty; we're behind in the payments, and we're paying far too high a price to keep up the pace to which we've committed ourselves.
Fear (anxiety, angst, dread) and anger (irritation, frustration, rage) are collective overwhelm's predominant emotional correlates, both operating on so much adrenaline that the only respite from them is eventual exhaustion and, more often than not, a tagalong apathy that features us being numb to our numbness.
Is collective overwhelm the darkly budding supernova of humankind's final gargantuan fossil fuels bash and feeding frenzy, or madly avalanching evolution peaking and choking on its own exhaust? Is collective overwhelm a preparatory shake-up, a prelude to an unprecedented psychospiritual awakening? But whatever it is, it's here in the full-fledged metastasizing raw, running more and more of the show, generating more and more momentum, feeding itself on itself. Collective cancer. And its tipping point? Already passed.
It's extremely overwhelming. No wonder the reported incidence of depression has shot up 1000% in the last five or so decades; no wonder there's such widespread anxiety; no wonder there's such a massive intake of pharmaceutical medication; no wonder there's so much hell on earth, regardless of our advances. The time for denial is over. And so is the time for complaining. What we have as a species feared is already here, looming ever larger, and it isn't just slouching toward Bethlehem; it's eating its way into and through just about all of us, its appetite is endless, and it apparently has no more interest in its own survival than does cancer. Its peaking, which has probably already happened, promises one hell of a party, with not enough of a tomorrow for much more than a planetary hangover.
Yet all is not lost. In fact, there is much to be gained here, but only if we get off the overwhelm express, ceasing to let ourselves be fed or seduced or engulfed by it. Yes, it will continue to affect us, sometimes intensely so, but we do not have to let it occupy us. This begins with seeing it for what it is.
If we don't pay close attention to collective overwhelm, we become a host for it, a mere means through which it can seed and expand itself, in a kind of cellular and organismic imperialism. The good news is that if we play close attention to collective overwhelm and name it for what it is, we can cease being a host for it. We may not have stopped the vehicle, but we are no longer riding in it. Its noise and smell and presence still impact us, but not to the same extent as before. We then cease to serve it, even if it is but a breath or two away.
Thus do we recognize it not only all around us, but also within us, at least as a potential, and do not let it get behind the wheel, while not demonizing or otherwise dehumanizing those who are still under its spell. We're then akin to a physician who doesn't waste away trying to change the minds of physicians who are rigidly loyal to the model of conventional medicine, but who instead creates an alternative model of physician-ship that presents a more integral way of practicing medicine, in a manner that skillfully invites other physicians to broaden their horizons, helping them to recognize the ways in which their current way of practicing medicine is overwhelming them.
To effectively deal with collective overwhelm, we need to make sure that we are not under its spell before we can deal with it on a larger scale. So how can we do this? First of all, as described above, we need to be sufficiently familiar with it so as to recognize and name it; this means not just having an intellectual grasp of it, but also having the capacity to sense its signs moment to moment. The cultivation of such a capacity requires an integral approach, through which our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social dimensions are all engaged, worked with, and allowed to function as a whole.
Second, we need to do whatever cuts through depression, and do it full-out. No more pressing down of our pain, no more shoving our vitality down dead-end drains. What's called for here is a fitting mix of the following: aerobic, heavy-sweat workouts; efficiently grounding, self-transcending meditative practices; emotional literacy, unblocking, and life-serving expression; intimacy training; self-exploration that doesn't waste any time connecting the dots between our past and present; and a sharing of this with others, until such work is not just personal, but interpersonal.
And third, develop the endurance and patience to stay the course. What's required is not just a weekend of good work, nor a month of it, nor even a year of it. It's a life's work, and needs to be treated as such. Yes, there will be plateaus, but these should not be occasions for going no further, but rather for rejuvenation, so that we might keep extending our edge, continuing to make haste slowly, letting all the damage awaken rather than merely embitter us.
Spiritual stamina is essential; don't postpone developing it. Go to the heart of collective overwhelm, beyond the fear and anger and numbness and shock, and there you'll find an enormous grief; take it in, expand your heart as much as you have to, cut channels for the grief to flow, to cut loose, to tear open your sky, until its cry is your cry, and what's beyond all the pain starts to shine forth, inviting us into what we never left but only dreamt we did. This is the healing through which we die into a deeper life; this is the healing that calls to us through all that we are and all that we do; it may overwhelm us at times, but it's the kind of overwhelm that cleanses, purifies, heals, awakens. We might as well move toward it. At this point, what else is there to do?

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DECEMBER 22, 2007
THE FUTURE'S NOT WHAT IT ONCE WAS
First, the bad news:
Tomorrow is closing in on us. The mother, the granddaddy, the upcoming ancestor of all collisions, mixing past, present, and future in a shaker that's vaster than we can imagine.
We're having one hell of a time finding the time to save time, doing our time under ever-increasing pressure, as tomorrow gnaws more and more deeply into our now.
We helped make tomorrow what it is, and tomorrow is, as usual, making us, but with unprecedented, accelerating intensity.
Yogi Berra reportedly once said, “The future ain't what it used to be.” We may laugh at this (while maybe recalling another alleged Yogi-ism: “This is like déja vu all over again”), perhaps appreciating the insight folded at oddly illuminating angles inside the loopy curve of Yogi's folk savvy, but perhaps not recognizing that his statement actually points to something that is going on both personally and culturally, and going on with avalanching intensity.
It's hard to get nostalgic for the future as it becomes less and less predictable. Novelty is great, innovation is wonderful, but not when they become overwhelming. The growth of growth is not necessarily growthful. As things continue to speed up — think evolution on amphetamines — we get run down. And the more run down we get, the more dependent we become on whatever seems to elevate, lighten, or brighten us, so long as it's relatively easy to access; we just don't then have the juice for anything more demanding — that ‘s how run down we've generally become, regardless of our hypomanic (or “up”-oriented) behavior.
Our past is filling out and overoccupying our present (unless we've faced, digested, and integrated it), and our future is sucking us into it so powerfully that we might as well be bugs a split second away from making contact with a 100 mph windshield, sudden technicolor Rorschachs framed before a freeway that's mostly just one big exit ramp to a tomorrow that's arriving far too fast. That's the nightmare, surreal garbage its broken landscape and staggering fogginess its horizon and accelerating madness its designated driver, but there's nothing like a nightmare to wake us up (or shock us awake) — plenty of dream lucidity (sleep-dreams in which we recognize that we are dreaming) arises near the hellishly peaking intensity of the final stages of nightmares.
Unfortunately we usually employ such awakening to depart our nightmare and reenter the “waking” state, so that we might become as unconscious (and/or as disconnected) as possible of the surfacing fear/horror that animated our nightmare (that is, we wake up in order to fall back asleep). Thus do we invite in, however unwittingly, bigger awakening shocks — whatever jolts us out of our trances, cultural and otherwise. Next time you become aware that you're dreaming while in the midst of a nightmare or unpleasant dream, stay put, take fitting action (like turning around and facing whatever is pursuing you), and watch the dreamscape mutate and pulse with your every thought and intention. Ordinary fear tends to contract or dull us; but extraordinary fear can, if permitted, really awaken us, if we will but separate the stories it is telling us from the visceral, adrenaline-infused reality of it.
We're in a planetary squeezeplay; we can't go back to first, and we can't go to second. But we don't have to stay on the basepath; yes, we'll be called out, and we'll probably get castigated for breaking the rules, but we'll now have enough distance from what is happening to be able to see it more clearly. And if we look more closely, we may start to see that we are in fact playing every position. We're on first and second, and we're also in between, and we're also pitching, hitting, and umpiring. It's crucial that we see this, and also that we don't stop here, merely taking refuge in our seeing.
We need to directly feel each position from the inside, each embodiment, each energetic configuring, each personalizing of all this, and we need to feel it right to our marrow. No dissociation. No intellectual removal. We need to recognize ourselves as, among other things, as multidimensional intersections of past, present, and future. Anything less will not permit us sufficient realization to do what must be done. We'd love to be told what must be done and then jump ahead to do it, but that cannot be done if we are not sufficiently prepared for it. Such preparation is our core task, a labor of love that has to ask everything of us.
Without such work, we are headed for a future that has no future. And this, regardless of its appearance, is the good news.
We are not just being called to do the requisite inner, relational, and cultural work, but are being forced into it by our circumstances. Our back is up against the proverbial wall, and yes, it's far from an easy or comfortable position, but does it not have a remarkable capacity to awaken our spine and sharpen our focus and call forth the very best from us? Does it not force us to dig deep, to bring to the surface resources that we may have previously thought we didn't have? Not to justify or legitimize what's going on — but when there's this much shit, and we can smell the compost that it could be, what else is there to do other than pick up a shovel and use it? Blood, sweat, and tears, yes, and also the sobering joy of getting aligned with what-really-matters.
More good news: We may not be able to stop or significantly alter certain things (like government bureaucracy or the public school system), but we can pump energy and attention and will into other things that are more life-giving (like alternative education or integral medicine or retreat facilities for deep healing). Trying to fix what's already mostly past any truly significant fixing uses up the very energy that is needed for saner approaches and practices. Instead of trying to convert a Tyrannosaurus to a vegetarian diet, put your attention and juice into what is doable, while taking care not to become a dinosaur's meal. Some policing may be necessary, but we don't have to overbudget for defence.
There's a different wheel to put our shoulder to, and its time has come.
Tomorrow's jaws may be snapping at us, and yesterday's fears may be hounding us, but we've got a deeper today to give ourselves to, a today seeded with an evolutionary imperative that resonates with who and what we truly are. So put your shoulder to the wheel, and get totally involved, regardless of your distractions; dig your feet in, pushing up through your knees and hips and belly, and breathe, breathe, breathe as fiercely and fully as you need to, freeing your voice and vision and love, committing all of your attention and energy to the task at hand, however small it might seem to be, realizing that there is no such thing as an insignificant act. The wheel is starting to turn; let us allow the energy of our fear and anger to fuel that turning. The times demand it. Let us attune ourselves to that demand, and take it as an invitation which we cannot refuse.

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DECEMBER 25, 2007
ALL IN THE BLINK OF AN I
Less than a moment ago there was no Earth. Less than a moment from now, there will once again be no Earth. All in the blink of an I. Human beings come and go much, much more quickly, of course, however much they might shine in their almost impossibly thin sliver of time, and however much they might resist the perspective implicit in the preceding sentences, and however much they may deny that we are in all likelihood a transitional species.
Not surprisingly, a significant amount of our time has been and is spent in attempting to create something enduring, something that really lasts, a footprint forever on display. Such creation, however, is not necessarily always folly or conceit, for it may — through the quality and depth of consciousness brought to it — convey something of the timeless, nonconceptually reminding us of who and what we truly are. This is Beauty.
If Intimacy is the Poetry of Love, and Life the Poetry of Being, and Art the Poetry of Creativity, then Beauty is the Poetry of Revelation. But Beauty is under no obligation to be benign. It makes no apologies for extinction, and in fact is at its most moving and brilliantly illuminating when Death is kept close at hand. And Beauty has no problem with paradox, weaving it beyond itself, until we realize that we are what outlives us.
The aliens have already arrived. Look in the mirror, and look deep, and then look through the mirror. And before you ask how we got here, ask yourself: Where exactly is here ?
We are, by most standards, in a truly bizarre position. We can perhaps provide some idea of our planetary and galactic coordinates, but where exactly is the universe in which we are locating ourselves? Is it but one of many universes? Is it a single cell in an unimaginable organism that itself is but a speck in another world? This is not just the stuff of speculative fiction, but is indicative of the Supreme Mystery in which we are making an appearance. And to deepen the mix, add to this is the underlying reality of the famous law which states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed: Energy has no beginning and no end, and energy is not just Is-ness manifesting as doing, but is also light, matter, and, yes, consciousness. Considering all this — which doesn't mean just thinking about it — brings a shiver of primordial recognition, a wave of psychic gooseflesh, a radical reassessment of our actual situation.
And just who are we? The answer is found when we discover, uncover, recover something more real than answers. We may have a direct experience of who (and perhaps also what ) we are, but such knowingness is not an understanding or explanatory occurrence, but a revelation . No wonder the proclamation of this is often far from conventional! And such revelation does not mark the end of our journey toward fully embodied and fully lived realization of who and what we really are, but rather only marks the beginning of that ultimate odyssey, however much we might dream otherwise.
Our awakening, and our integral living of that awakening, only deepens the Mystery. The closer we get to it, the more we become it. That aspect of us that wants to figure it all out only ends up affirming the Mystery. And what is the Mystery but Energy, Light, Love, and Awareness functioning as one? This, of course, is not really an answer, but at a certain point answers are just the booby prize. And once again my words start evaporating, their cyberspace trackings gone to nothing, leaving me happily speechless and unspeakably grateful to be alive this Christmas morning, gazing out my window into a pillowy grey sky that cups one and all with unselfconscious care and the softest of invitations to look through it at what is, as always, forever here.

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